There are two types of screwing: the copulatory and the carpentry
and all effort must be made to keep them apart

unfortunately,
when the carpenter screws
he does not recognize the difference
and thinks during the whole procedure of his new,
phallic,
5-button electric screwdriver:
3 speeds, two directions, and seven attachments:
unfortunately, he has only one attachment and it is highly unimpressive
according to his long-suffering wife,
who wishes he'd switch it out for a larger one and use the burst acceleration mode
available on his new tool but alas not on the tool he was born with
she too has acquired a new tool with seven attachments
but it has only two speeds
nonetheless, she finds it highly satisfactory as she can attain pleasure
without afterwards having to hear about late contractors,
incompetent employees, lumber which hasn't arrived, the arrogance of electricians,
the corruption in the union and his own worries about his retirement fund
she really wouldn't mind these conversations if she were allowed to give advice
and sympathy
but there is only one kind of sympathy he is interested in
and after that
he rolls over and snores loudly
but not loud enough
to drown out her worries
that's when she goes to the bathroom
with her new tool
and gets the comfort she needs
for trouble at her high stress job
the son's learning disability
the state of the world
and her own physical discomfort

because screwing can be either carpentry or copulatory
and with her husband it is strictly carpentry