- Whenever you
want to kill yourself, think of how much your sins hurt Jesus on the
cross.
- Take a bubble
bath. You'll feel better...
- Pull yourself
up by your bootstraps.
- Think of all
the people in Afghanistan who would give anything just to have your
life.
- Have you tried
St. John's wort?
- How about a
nice cup of Sleepytime herbal tea?
- Just get drunk,
you'll forget all about wanting to kill yourself.
- Smile on the
outside and pretty soon you'll be smiling on the inside.
- Oppose each
negative thought with a positive thought.
- Have you tried
going to the circus? The clowns will cheer you up.
- Go to see a
comedy at your nearest movie theater. Laughter is therapeutic.
- Go to a therapist.
Talking about it will make it go away.
- Why don't you
put on nailpolish and make-up? If you look your best, you won't want
to kill yourself.
- Take a weekend
trip to Atlantic City.
- Have you tried
sex? That should cheer you up.
- Eat a dozen
doughnuts. The sugar will improve your mood.
- How about caffeine?
- How about amphetamines?
- Cocaine cheers
me up... I'll introduce you to my dealer.
- How about a
ride on the roller coaster at Coney Island? You can't be that scared
and be depressed at the same time...
- I can set you
up with my boyfriend's cousin. A nice date is just what you need.
- Stop complaining
about it. You're making yourself depressed.
- I'm praying
for God to give you the strength to make it through. Why don't you
pray, too?
- How about going
to a rave? The music is so loud you won't be able to concentrate on
being depressed.
- Have you tried
jogging? Exercise releases endorphins.
- What you need
is a little real trouble in your life. Then you would know that this
depression thing is a bunch of nonsense.
- Go and volunteer
at a soup kitchen. You will feel better if you are helping someone
else.
- Have you tried
keeping a journal? Writing is cathartic.
- Read The
Anatomy of Melancholy.
- Read the latest
Harlequin Romance. Happy endings make people happy.
- Read Angela's
Ashes. Those boys were starving and all you are is sick in the
head.
- Think of all
the poetry Sylvia Plath would have written if she hadn't killed herself.
- Think of all
the poetry Anne Sexton would have written if she hadn't killed herself.
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