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A big question was the suicide note. Should you leave one or not, and if so what should you say in it? The argument for not leaving a note was a strong one: someone might find the note and stop you from doing it. Of course you could drop it in the mail so the the delay would give you time to die before the note arrived. Nonetheless, the note was problematic: if you had something to say to someone, maybe you didn't need to commit suicide after all. People who really want to die do it because they have nothing left to offer the world. But your ego tempts you to leave a note: you want to go out with a bang, write something so memorable that you would be considered to be a tragically flawed genius. The desire to write a suicide note that was a literary masterpiece kept me alive at times. I couldn't kill myself until I thought of something good enough. It wouldn't do to write a note that was sentimental, hackneyed, or merely mundane... One day I found a book of suicide notes and it was sad how unimpressive they were. I wanted to do better! |